Fuck my life.

I always wonder what people think about when they're alone.

When they have no company.
When that person they feel so much for, is not there.
When nobody is around. To hear. Or to listen.


So this is what I think about


- I think about where I'll be in 6 months time.

- I wonder if you love me, or you just say it out of habit.

- I wonder who your with. And why your not here with me.

- I think about the person I shouldn't think about.

- I think about doing something good with my life.

- I think about moving to New York for the summer. And trying to forget about you.

- I wonder about my family. And what they're hiding from me.

- I think about what people think of me.

- I wonder if anybody has noticed. And if anybody cares.

- I think about doing something drastic to my appearance.

- I think about leaving my house.
And then realise I have nowhere to go.

- I think about glugging down the sneaky shoulder of vodka I keep in an old Louis V bag.

- I wonder how I could possibly make all the money to leave.

- I think about why I'm obsessed with you.

- I think that if I hadn't been born with all my physical problems, I would now be a well-rounded person.

- I wonder if thats true.


- I think about my dogs passing away. And how it will never happen.

- I think about how my parents spent €14000 on my education.
And I got into college on sheer luck.
They should have left me in Presentation.

- I think about what people would say if I was dead.

- I think about how much of a lying bitch you are.
And how you'll never pay for what you've done to me, and everyone I love.

- I think about my Grandad.
And how hes watching over me.
Then I think that this is silly.
But its a nice thought, isn't it?

- I think about how you're disappointed in me.
And you always will be.

- I think about how you're my best friend,
your lack of judgment and your strength astonishes me.

- I think about wether I'll know ANY of you in 5 years time.
And if I don't, will I think of you?

- I think about how many cigarettes I have left,
And where I'll find the €8.45 to buy the next box.

-I wonder about wether I'll be able for college or not.

- I think about how I've wronged you.
And how you've wronged me.

- I think about what type of music to listen to.

-I think about all the things I've never been able to do because of getting in my own way.

-I think about not eating for a few days,
maybe I might get a bit skinnier.
Then I remember I have no strength.

- I think about how people have it so much worse than me.
And I'm probably just a moany little wimp.

-I think about how I could be doing something productive, but instead I'm just sitting inside and doing nothing.




- I think about telling someone all this.
And then I remember.....

















Clodagh out_