I was in love

"I'm not waiting for you to make a decision" he said.
My hands tremble.
I look for something to do.
Lying in bed is all I have to do.

"I'm not fucking you around"
"yes, you are."
"no."
I need a cigarette.

He stalks the room.
He picks up the picture.
Its already ripped in half. He ripped it in half, lastnight.
He puts my face in the bin.
I feel as if I am in that bin.

"I'm sorry"
too late.
Surely.

He leaves.
He comes back.
"where is my passport"

"HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?"
Why am I shouting?
This is my fault.

He leaves again.
He comes back again,
He calls my name from the stairs.
This is one of the last times I will hear him shout my name.

"Don't walk on the tiles, Fergal said."
I do not care about what Fergal says. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
Silence.

I follow him to the kitchen.
I step on the tiles.

He walks the kitchen.
Looks at the fridge.

"Wheres my scarf?"
I am sick of looking for your possesions.

"I'll give you your shoes back when I see you."
"when will that be?"
"don't know."

We look at each other for along time.
Staring.
Eyes.
Conveying.

I'm thinking,
Stop looking for truth in my eyes.
Its not even in my heart.


And you leave again.
This time you did not come back.
















Clodagh out__